Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
