my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
