Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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