You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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