The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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