My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
