I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
