Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
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