My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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