Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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