My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
