I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
