I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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