Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
