your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize