there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
