I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I think your dad took our porno
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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