Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
