my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
