is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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