I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
