i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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