I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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