oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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