Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
