Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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