There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
