Where is the hickey?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
