I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
