Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
