we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
