I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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