I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
