She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize