i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
