I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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