Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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