the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
