Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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