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her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
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