omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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