No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
