We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Come see our sink grown plant.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You did what with his pubic hair?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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