I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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