peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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