It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
