My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
