I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
it was like eating out sand paper
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
