the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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