Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
