Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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