But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
