Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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