**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
