you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
