On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
