ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Randomize
