btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize