When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize