i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
