Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
