it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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