she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
