I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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