Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
