At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
