new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Randomize
